I’m getting that weird feeling right now. That little feeling that isn’t so little but is subtle and everywhere like a perfume that lingers in the air. It that bit of sadness and emptiness that seems to win out late at night when I’m left to dance with my thoughts. I don’t understand why I am the way I am. The self-loathing, the insecurities, the fear, the loneliness, the hopelessness and the messy complexity all need to be shoved deep down in the shaded corners of my being so that they can’t rise to the surface and mark me outwardly the way they mark me inside.